So Long Sergio
The Augusta "patrons", as the host broadcaster is contractually obliged to call them, are regularly described as the most knowledgeable spectators in America, which is frankly a little frightening. Yesterday, Sergio Garcia was variously identified as Rory Sabbatini, Mike Weir, Justin Rose and "some French guy".
In fairness, though, there are times when Sergio doesn't quite know who he is himself. It's now over a decade since the golfing world braced itself for the kind of supremacy tussle not seen since Nicklaus and Watson, since when Garcia has joined the rest as a distant speck in Tiger Woods' rear-view mirror.
Struggle: Spain's Sergio Garcia was on four over par after two rounds
After a four-over-par first-round 76, Garcia was engaged in a desperate battle to make the cut when a spectator (who turned out to be a former caddie for Fuzzy Zoeller) finally recognised him. Not that Sergio would have enjoyed what he had to say.
Having identified Garcia to his chum (who probably thought he was watching Todd Hamilton III) he said: "The guy shoulda been a contender, but he isn't even in Tiger's time zone. He's a great golfer for sure, but if you ask me he just ain't got the squisher."
"Er, excuse me," I inquired, "but what exactly is a squisher?" "It means he's a melonhead." "A melonhead? What's that?" "Well, basically it means he ain't got it (cue meaningful tap on the forehead) up here. There's no one home. That's not having the squisher."
As far as Garcia's caddie is concerned, it's not so much a case of what's between his ears, as the ears themselves. Billy Foster has caddied for some of the world's best players, including Severiano Ballesteros in his pomp and Tiger Woods. And he rates Garcia as the best ball striker he's ever carried a bag for.
However, when it comes to his listening qualities, he's clearly less impressed. Walking on ahead of his employer at the par-five eighth, Foster bumped into someone familiar on the other side of the ropes, and greeted him with a cheery: "He's only told me to shut up once today, so that's all right."
Garcia would prefer Foster to stick to caddying rather than coaching, as the "shut-ups" are employed when he's had enough of being told he's doing something wrong.
"I keep telling him," said Foster to his mate "he's got too much hinge on his backswing when he's chipping. He can't get the ball to check and spin. But what do I know?"
Most people, though, view Garcia's major weak link as the putter. He's certainly one of the best drivers of the ball, statistically longer as well as straighter off the tee than Woods, who is ranked only 48th in driving distance. The No?1 tour hitter was playing with Garcia, although after snap hooks off the first two tees, Bubba Watson (where do they get these names?) mostly kept the driver in the bag.
Garcia, who has experimented with several changes of grip and a belly putter, had a crucial eight-footer at the 18th yesterday.
You wouldn't pick Garcia to hole a putt for your life, because even if he holed it you'd die of a heart attack just watching. He twitched a short par putts the both the 16th and the 18th yesterday, which turned out to be a case of one shot too many and off to the airport.
As a character, he's almost the opposite of Woods, thriving in the camaraderie of the Ryder Cup, but apparently consumed by uncertainty when out there on his own. Woods has a face for every occasion, his game face, his going-home face, his face-the-media face. But with Garcia, the face you see mirrors what's going on inside.
Neither is Woods prone to excuses, but such is Sergio's ability to find anything to blame bar himself, it would be a surprise if the schoolboy Garcia had never uttered the words "por favor senor, el perro se comio mis deberes." So now you know the English for "squisher" and the Spanish for "please sir, the dog ate my homework."
In fairness, though, there are times when Sergio doesn't quite know who he is himself. It's now over a decade since the golfing world braced itself for the kind of supremacy tussle not seen since Nicklaus and Watson, since when Garcia has joined the rest as a distant speck in Tiger Woods' rear-view mirror.
Struggle: Spain's Sergio Garcia was on four over par after two rounds
After a four-over-par first-round 76, Garcia was engaged in a desperate battle to make the cut when a spectator (who turned out to be a former caddie for Fuzzy Zoeller) finally recognised him. Not that Sergio would have enjoyed what he had to say.
Having identified Garcia to his chum (who probably thought he was watching Todd Hamilton III) he said: "The guy shoulda been a contender, but he isn't even in Tiger's time zone. He's a great golfer for sure, but if you ask me he just ain't got the squisher."
"Er, excuse me," I inquired, "but what exactly is a squisher?" "It means he's a melonhead." "A melonhead? What's that?" "Well, basically it means he ain't got it (cue meaningful tap on the forehead) up here. There's no one home. That's not having the squisher."
As far as Garcia's caddie is concerned, it's not so much a case of what's between his ears, as the ears themselves. Billy Foster has caddied for some of the world's best players, including Severiano Ballesteros in his pomp and Tiger Woods. And he rates Garcia as the best ball striker he's ever carried a bag for.
However, when it comes to his listening qualities, he's clearly less impressed. Walking on ahead of his employer at the par-five eighth, Foster bumped into someone familiar on the other side of the ropes, and greeted him with a cheery: "He's only told me to shut up once today, so that's all right."
Garcia would prefer Foster to stick to caddying rather than coaching, as the "shut-ups" are employed when he's had enough of being told he's doing something wrong.
"I keep telling him," said Foster to his mate "he's got too much hinge on his backswing when he's chipping. He can't get the ball to check and spin. But what do I know?"
Most people, though, view Garcia's major weak link as the putter. He's certainly one of the best drivers of the ball, statistically longer as well as straighter off the tee than Woods, who is ranked only 48th in driving distance. The No?1 tour hitter was playing with Garcia, although after snap hooks off the first two tees, Bubba Watson (where do they get these names?) mostly kept the driver in the bag.
Garcia, who has experimented with several changes of grip and a belly putter, had a crucial eight-footer at the 18th yesterday.
You wouldn't pick Garcia to hole a putt for your life, because even if he holed it you'd die of a heart attack just watching. He twitched a short par putts the both the 16th and the 18th yesterday, which turned out to be a case of one shot too many and off to the airport.
As a character, he's almost the opposite of Woods, thriving in the camaraderie of the Ryder Cup, but apparently consumed by uncertainty when out there on his own. Woods has a face for every occasion, his game face, his going-home face, his face-the-media face. But with Garcia, the face you see mirrors what's going on inside.
Neither is Woods prone to excuses, but such is Sergio's ability to find anything to blame bar himself, it would be a surprise if the schoolboy Garcia had never uttered the words "por favor senor, el perro se comio mis deberes." So now you know the English for "squisher" and the Spanish for "please sir, the dog ate my homework."
posted by tourspingolf at
11:22 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home